Encouraging Our Kids to Be Themselves

be yourself

I took my younger daughter shopping for school clothes yesterday. It’s always a process to take her shopping. She’s so petite that it’s difficult to find clothes that she likes that fit.

Up to this point, she’s been a T-shirt kind of girl, but she’s headed off to middle school this year. At one point yesterday, she asked me “Is this what everyone is wearing?” And my heart broke just a little bit.

You see, this is my child who has always marched to the beat of her own drum. This is my child who has never really cared what those around her think. This is my child who has always dared to be different.

But she suffers from the same thoughts that plague us all. Am I going to fit in? Will people like me? What if I’m different?

A little bit of fitting in is fine. We all need to fit in to some degree, but if we let those questions become the guiding light of our lives and our kids’ lives, then we lose a little something of ourselves. We lose little something of who God made us and our kids to be.

Because the truth is that God didn’t make our kids so they would “fit in.” He made each one of them to be fantastically and uniquely them. He made each one of them in His image, but He did it in such a way that they are made in the image of no other person on earth.

Too often, I do a terrible job of encouraging my kids to be themselves. I worry about whether they fit in instead of encouraging them to follow their own path. Instead of rejoicing in who they are, I see other kids and wonder why they can’t be more like that other child.

God tells us that each person is “fearfully and wonderfully made” and “God’s workmanship.” He tells us He has plans for us. He tells us that we are loved. Yet so often we ignore those words and focus on how we’re different from those around us. We focus on the moments where we don’t fit in.

Here’s the thing, though, when we try to fit in, when we try to fit into a mold that wasn’t used to make us, we only find ourselves miserable. We hide who we truly are for the opinion or approval of people who don’t matter. And I think that must make God sad.

Instead of trying to force ourselves or our kids into a copycat mold of what society says is acceptable, we need to be aware of what God says is acceptable. We need to be examples for our kids of people who care more about what God thinks than we do about what others think. And we need to encourage them to do the same.

We need to encourage our kids to make decisions based on who God made them to be and the path that God has asked them to walk. And we need to remember that those decisions might be different even from what we would choose. Because our kids aren’t made in our image either. God’s calling for them might be different than what we would choose for them. But it’s not our job to choose for them; it’s our job to guide them to make the choices that God has for them.

So as we embark on the new school year, put some focus on helping your kids become the people that God created them to be — fearfully and wonderfully made creations who are the image of Him.

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